Our Side

When we were asked to be adoptive parents, we never thought things would turn out the way they did. For one, we were not considering adoption till birthmom approached us. Second, she chose and asked us. After much thought and prayer on our parts, we felt it was right and went ahead with trying to adopt the baby. I had always made sure that the birthmom was sure this is what she wanted and we were who she wanted to adopt her baby. I always told her if she had any doubt to let us know. We would have not proceeded with adoption plans unless I was convinced and sure the she was sincere of her decision. Everyone who knows me, knows I dont just jump unless i know iam going to land right.
We had always considered the birthmom in all decisions we made. I had asked (A)(birthmom) which method she wanted to go for the adoption. LDS family services or Private with a lawyer and social worker. We ended up going private after meeting many lawyers till we found the right one. We called (A) once a week to keep an open line of communication so she always knew what we were doing and to get to know each other better. Everything seemed to be going well. She never wavered from her decision. We fell in love with (A) and got close to her family. We had know them a while before the whole adoption so we felt a very open adoption with only the roles of mommy and daddy changing would be the best for the baby. We felt we were doing right by the baby because you can never have to many people to love or who love you. Although this was an option for the birth family they had a choice to opt out.
Everything was going accordingly to plan. (A) always referenced us as the parents and would call the baby the name we had chosen for her. She had also took maternity pictures with RyLee included in a few of them. We even did a 3D ultrasound. Nothing seemed out of place except for (A) father never being receptive toward us. He would use every excuse in the book of why he wasnt. For EX: he used the excuse that his family couldnt be in the picture because our families would want to be the only grandparents. And how they couldnt be the drop in grandparents with presents without the responsibility. OK so that would mean that my parents who live out of state arent real grandparents because RyLee only see's them a couple times a year with presents in tow. Ridiculous! He tried everything he could to stay close minded about the open adoption. He had even went as far as to tell his wife some mean things to control the situation so she would be torn between a marriage or her first grandchild. All the while he had never talked to his daughter to see her thoughts and feelings about everything.
He eventually did. Sadly he waited till two weeks before babies due date on Friday Dec 19 to talk to (A) and lay all the crap on the line. The only thing I know for sure is he told her he didnt want her to adopt and either (A) keeps her ,or her parents do. Iam sure it was a crap load because (A) is pretty level headed. I never got to do damage control and ease (A) thoughts and fears. I was nervous but not to worried because I thought she would come to me if she was feeling any doubt.
So two days later on Monday Dec 22 we get a call from (A) mother to say (A) had the baby and that she didnt know what she wanted to do. But on tue she was seeing a counselor and hopefully we will know more then. Didnt hear anything on tue. Then on Wednesday I got onto myspace to see who has wished us merry xmas, that is where I seen a bulletin that was a birth announcement from (A). So we figured that was her decision and she just couldnt bring herself to call and tell us she changed her mind. So xmas still nothing, so on friday my best friend called to get their email addresses because she had wrote them a letter. She sent us all out the letter at the same time. It was unlike her to be mean spirited so I was surprised to read that she ripped them a new one.
After her email we finally got news because (A) mother emailed back to say (A) hadnt made a decision yet and that Natalies email didnt help our situation. For one that announcement seemed like her answer and another they cant base a big decision like that off of someone elses emotion. Not making a decision was news to us.
Well the following thursday 10 days after baby was born we got an email from (A) mom saying she changed her mind about the adoption. We were at peace with that and YES it did hurt but at least now we had a decision. Waiting we thought was the hardest part. So later that night after visiting family at the parents house, I got on to myspace again. (Darn Myspace) And seen a photo album that (A) has posted that said "Adoption day". Looking at the pictures was enough to feel like We were sideswiped by a semi while we were kicked to the ground.
It was never about the adoption for her dad, it was that she chose us. She still adopted out but to another couple with a little girl like us. We found out from someone that (A) mother had told them (A) father had met us and and didnt approve so (A) chose another family. Thats just wrong because they have know is for a year so its not like we just met them. Her father felt she didnt think thru her decision and chose us out of convenience. But on "adoption day" they went to LDS family services looked thru profiles, chose a family and on they went. Exactly how her father thought she chose us is how she chose the adoptive couple. Come on! We write our own profiles so they knew the family from written words. At least they got to know us well during those 5 months of planning to adopt.
Her father doesnt feel bad for what he has done because he said to me one time at the beginning, dont get your hopes up because she will change her mind. Well He made sure of it! Oh and how does his prayers and discernment outweigh everyone elses? The gospel was misused because once children make adult decisions fathers dont have that stewardship to discern what is right for that child. Although they can pray for them they dont get answers to the decisions the child needs to make. She is almost 20 not living at home not a 4 year old.
All we wanted was a little heads up about another adoptive couple possibly being in the equation. Yes it still would hurt but the blow wouldnt have been so hard. Its sad we will never have the answers we need and that (A) has not had contact with us since she had the baby. All we want is the truth. That is all we have ever wanted. We are not mean people, if we were we would have taken the counsel of our lawyer and gone to court for fraud. All we want now is for (A) to be at peace with her decision and if she is we are happy for her. We hope that things are the way she wants and not anyones elses insecurities that have creeped in the decision making.
Well one day maybe she can find it in her heart to talk to us and not be afraid or ashamed to give us the answers. In the meantime the only perspective we have is our own.

Happy late Birthday Honey!!

OK I feel bad that after everything that has been going on, I have not wished my sweet hubby happy birthday. His birthday was Jan 6Th and he turned the big 30. Unfortunately since this was around the time of the "almost" adoption and my brothers wedding, Mike missed a big birthday celebration. We did manage to go to a brazzilian steakhouse during the day of his birthday and that night we went out to chilis with the parents. Mike you are my rock! I love you more than words can say. You make my life complete and I am lucky to have you for a husband. Happy 30th Birthday!!!

Our Baby Video

My Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.Uncomfortable shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in other's eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and nottheirs.

They never talk about my shoes.To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in this world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite somuch.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they thinkabout how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Belated Birthday!!

Today I got my birthday card in the mail from my little sister who lives in Vegas. Although it was late it was still a great birthday present to get while we are going thru alot. It was just what i needed! Thank you ALI BUG I Love You very much and I am so thankful I have you for a Sister!!! My camera did not take the best Pictures, but we got the essence of the card.

CHRISTMAS

Christmas in our home started at 7:30 in the morning when ry was screaming bloody murder. I have never gotten out of bed so fast to check on her. All I was thinking was Bella is dead and ry found her!! Nope that was not it Bella had jumped on Rys face and poked her in the eye with her very sharp puppy paws. Ry was very sad and couldnt understand how bella could hurt her. After some explaining Ry was better and then opened her presents. From santa ry got a diary, operation game, puzzles, Tag leap pin, a few books, a barbie movie, and the camp rock soundtrack. She was very happy she asked to wear her jammies all day. Santa had stoped by the night before to drop one present off while we were gone. They happened to be our christmas jammies. So I let Ry wear these PJ's all day. We went to parents house, then to the movie bedtime stories with Adam Sandler. Then back to inlaws where we had dinner. It was a very laid back day. RyLee had a great time and Bella even enjoyed herself!! Ry finished the night off with a gingerbread house and the barbie christmas carol movie. We Have had an emotional few days so this was a perfect way to spend the holiday. We are so greatful we have wonderful family and friends. We Love You all and hoped you all had a Great Christmas!!

Bella

Wrapped like A Baby!!! She loves to chew on my mother-in-laws Rug

Mike and I decided to get RyLee a puppy for christmas. We looked around for a dog that is good with children and babies. We also wanted one that doesnt shed. Our answer came in the name of Shih Tzu's. I found a sweet lady in New Harmony that breeds and sells them. So monday afternoon RyLee and I drove in snow down the freeway at 40 miles an hr listening to the Twilight book on CD. RyLee thought I was going to talk to this lady about school stuff and she happened to have pets Ry could play with. Our intention for Ry was to pick one out then have santa bring her, But with the snow we decided to give the puppy to her early. So I asked ry what puppy she wanted and she picked out a cute little fur ball! When the lady asked her what she was going to name the puppy she look up as if she was thinking and said Bella. Good thing we were listening to Twilight because I think that had a influence on names. RyLee absolutly loves Bella and to be honest we all have taken to this cute little ball of fur. The first night she cried so I let Bella sleep on the couch with me. Then the last few nights she has slept with Ry. Bella hates car rides so she cries during the drive but she loves to be wraped up in a baby blanket like a baby. She is just like a newborn with a lot more hair. We Love having bella in our little family. Mike and I used to make fun of people who treated their dog like part of the family, now look at us we are doing the same things!!!